17 September 2005
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Catholic Church investigators tasked by the Vatican to review U.S. seminaries will be looking for "evidence of homosexuality" and for professors who dissent from Church teaching, the New York Times reported on Thursday.
I suppose that it's a good thing that the Church is finally paying attention to potential trouble in its own ranks, but the whole idea of "looking for 'evidence of homosexuality'" in seminaries opens up a whole wealth of posibilities, Steve suggests. He starts the list off...
1. A tendency to over-accessorize the priest outfits.
to which, by way of stream of consciousness, I add...
3. Excessive kvetching in the rectory (have you ever known two gay guys to be together without kvetching?)
4. Baguettes instead of unleavened bread for communion.
5. Replace "halleluia" with "FABulous!"
6. Insist on a high thread count for the surplice he wears for Mass.
7. Hymns sung to Sondheim melodies (thanks to Lindsay); and...
the questionnaire the Vatican investigators are asking higher-ups to fill out also asks them to "watch out for signs of particular friendships."
I hope this list will help seminaries root out those nasty homosexuals, who are, of course, the real problem within the Catholic church.
In spite of myself, I did watch the man in the White House giving his speech from New Orleans. I thought that, overall, it was a nice strong speech with a minimum of smirking (he must have a new handler).
However, as I listened to the words, I kept thinking... "yeah, this all sounds very good, but where in the hell are all these billions of dollars going to come from?"
We're sending truckloads of money into the Middle East, money that we don't have.
Bush's buddies continue to get tax cuts.
We're trillions of dollars in debt already. (Check the link to get a feel for how much one trillion is.)
It's wonderful to stand there and promise billions for this and billions for that and a rebuilding of New Orleans to be bigger and better than ever, but, as Cuba Gooding in Jerry Maguire says, "show me the money."
I do keep thinking of the various countries which have held the position of "super power" and how they have all fallen sooner or later, victim of their own unrealistic ambitions, and I wonder if we aren't watching "The Rise and Fall of the United States of America," with our friends in China or some other country ready to step into the place of the world's newest superpower.
But--hey--it's not all gloom and doom. Look on the bright side...Survivor Guatemala is underway and we can watch people plot and scheme and suffer all sorts of hardships and eat all sorts of disgusting things all for the hope of winning $1 million (and if the tax breaks for the wealthy continue, this could work out very well for the winner.)
POST SCRIPT: Georgia died two days ago, apparently; her funeral is tomorrow. Her obituary is here:
PHOTO OF THE DAY
Australian "Big Foot"